Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
