I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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