I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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