If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
