I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
