I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
