I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
