is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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