I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
