Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
