It's a beautiful day for a hangover
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize