worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
nutella sex= disaster
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
