I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
