Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
