So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize