The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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