K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize