Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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