So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize