Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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