Just fell off a train. Bad.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
