can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
my liver is dry heaving
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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