After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
