Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
