If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize