Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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