I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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