i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
