so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
