If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize