All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
