I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
