no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
