Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just cut my nipple shaving
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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