Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
