It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
