Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
