Even the bartender felt bad for me
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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