i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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