did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Bring me that man meat
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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