it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
