My first STD was from a foam party
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Do vagina's smell?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
