you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
