if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Randomize
