he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
