the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
She needs sedatives and a leash
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize