Banned from zoo.
Again?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Green mimosas i think yes
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
