I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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