I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
