My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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