Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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