I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
