normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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