This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
