She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
There r osticjed everywhere
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
tell me about the eggs
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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