Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
