Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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