I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
