remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
