You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
