Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
