He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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