The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
