Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
