Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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