I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
