apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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