I wish I only lived at night.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
