it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
