my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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