oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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