1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
