she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
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