found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
