I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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