People with herpes should wear stickers.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Randomize
