Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize