No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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