I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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