I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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