***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
He passed out mid-signature
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
