lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
