cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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