I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize