I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
420 ftw
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize