Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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