I think I just saw someone hide a body.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
