We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
