another moral hangover. fuck.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
