Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Randomize
