I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
