First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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