Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
