He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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