He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
