I CAN MOONWALK!
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
