I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
