I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
if i can run in heels then i can drive
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
This can only be settled by a dance off.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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