dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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